It's a painful but beautiful process that I'm enduring.
Life.
I suppose you could call it that.
Actually, I'd like to call it that.
Today I took a trip to the Grand Canyon.
Absolutely astonishing.
I spent time just marveling at the beauty and taking in how TRUELY small I am compared to that giant hole in the ground.
But I got sooo down today. On the long drive there, I had a lot of time to think. A lot of time to question, "What the heck am I doing?" "What the heck is the purpose of me RIGHT now?"
In the midst of great company, I felt soooo alone.
I looked up at the stars on the way home, just wondering "What's going on? When is this going to change? I want something different!"
This summer has felt stagnant. I havn't had a job, or a best friend, or a girl, or love, or anything. I've been pretty alone. It's been lots of time to think.
I've been struggling with WHO I am. Who I'm GOING to be. How someone so SMALL as me, could ever make a dent in this HUGE planet.
And then I got home.
I got home, and jumped on facebook. Right away. Silly, I know. A stupid solution to my feeling of lonliness.
There was no new notifications, and my heart sank a little. Sad that something as small as a little red bubble could make a difference in my day.
But then a chat box opened.
It was a close friend that I hadn't seen in awhile. But we still kept in contact.
He then proceeded to tell me something very personal. Something that I could have NEVER expected.
My mind swam.
I was exhausted from the drive and the hiking around the Canyon.
I was having a rough day, in a series of rough days, but I still responded.
It seemed without thought, my fingers took off at the keyboard.
There was no hesitation. Only words flying in a strange rhythm to this other soul, who for SOME reason, decided to talk to me about this.
At the end of all my typing, I looked back at the conversation. It at least gave this friend a SMALL amount of relief in the things that I had said. It cheered him up, gave him hope, even in the slightest. I offered my help, and my friendship unconditionally.
He logged off, and I wanted to start crying my eyes out. How. Could someone as small as me, make even the slightest impact in this guy's life?
I know I helped him, at least a little. But even more, he helped me without knowing. The idea that he thought someone like ME could have an answer broke my heart in the most beautiful way.
He'll never know the difference that made to me, just like in 10 years he'll probably forget that I was on facebook with him that night.
But im coming to realize that life..love..friendship...everything is about these little moments.
That's why I titled this "invisible."
REAL friendship. REAL love..isnt ever seen.
It's felt, and it's done in selflessness.
The smallest things. The smallest people. Make a difference.
A red chat bubble, could have made me smile. With just a "I love you!" as a silly facebook comment.
Would I have remembered that "ILY" in 10 years? Probably not. Would the world ever give that person a parade to make them smile? Very unlikely.
But it would have been there. It would have been in selflessness, silliness, and out of care for someone.
So perhaps when it comes time to vindicate ourselves. To give ourselves glory where its lacking, to brag, or to bring ourselves joy, maybe we should think about how we could be doing that for others.
They may NEVER notice or remember something as small as the red notification bubble you gave them, but you warmed their heart at that moment.
Seeking constant love and attention from others, for our own self gratification, is more than likely going to leave us let down at some point or another.
If we wern't so focused on our own smile, maybe we'd cause 10 around us.
It's time to be different.
It's time to realize, "It's okay to love, to be a great friend without being noticed."
It's time to understand that just because something isnt visible,
doesnt mean it isnt there.
Be invisible. Love anyway.
